Questions raised at work thanks to me

"Why is our PA wearing a tie?"

"Why is there a Corona on my desk?"

"Why is Ben wearing a sweater when it's 90 degrees?"

"Why is the golf cart wedged into those poles?"

"Who keeps turning the light off in the bathroom?"

The ridiculous vanity plates my new landlord is sporting:

JEDI GEE

"This is what you get for hiring a PA with an iPhone"

- producer's assistant to my friend in physical production after the director I'm driving around decided he loves my iPhone so much more than the Blackberry Pearl that DreamWorks got him yesterday.

The fire, it BURNS me!

A group of friends, just out of college, struggle with adulthood. Their main problem is that they're all self-centered and obnoxious.

"just out of college"?
"struggle with adulthood"?
"self-centered"?
"obnoxious"?

It's like Joel Schumacher made this movie with the 22-year-old me in mind and released it the day after I was born!

Can a motherfucker wash the strainer?

Found taped above the sink in my new apartment.

Only to be crossed out, and inscribed beneath it;
"can motherfuckers wear men's jeans?"